Letting someone else's behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else. But no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else's "insanity" affect how we behave and how we feel.

At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others' problems or negative behavior. We may fear they'll think we simply don't care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own lives takes time and patience. But with practice, it will begin to feel comfortable. In fact, in time it will feel freeing and wonderful.

I will work on detachment today, knowing that in time the rewards will come.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Don't sweat the small stuff, and remember, it's all small stuff.

*****

Drinking didn't cause my problems, living did.

***** The practicing alcoholic is the only person in the world who can lie in the gutter and still look down on others.

*****

AA meetings are the jumper cables God uses to get love flowing from one alcoholic to another. 

You are reading from the book:



My Mind Is Out to Get Me by Dr. Ron B.

Surviving meant being born over and over.
--Erica Jong

We have decided to live. And each day we make the decision anew. Each time we call a friend, work a Step, or go to a meeting, we are renewing our contract with life. We are being reborn. Before coming to this program we died, emotionally and spiritually, many times. Some of us nearly died physically. But here we are, starting a new day, looking for guidance from one another. We are the survivors. And survival is there for the taking.

We will have days when we struggle with our decision to live. We will want to throw in the towel. We will want to give in or give up. But we've learned from one another about choices. And the choice to survive, knowing we never have to do it alone, gets easier with time.

I am one of the survivors. Today is my day for celebration.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
--Ursula K. Le Guin

In the first phases of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. It seems as though nothing could ever go wrong.

Yet as we move out of this "honeymoon" phase of the relationship, problems begin. Suddenly we notice things about the other person that bother us. We seem to have more disagreements and more difficulties that take longer to solve. We may even silently choose corners, put up walls, and back away from each other.

It's easy at this stage to want to end the relationship. But now is when the outcome of the relationship is most critical. If we run away from renewing our love and rebuilding the foundations of trust and faith in each other, we will deprive our love of its nourishment for growth. Love takes constant work and needs plenty of patience. Each day can reveal a new layer of love; each stage in a relationship moves us to a new plateau. But only if we are willing.

I can look at my relationships and see the potential for growth. Help me renew my feelings of love through faith.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

One day a fox became caught in a trp. In his struggle to free himself, he left his tail behind. On his way home, he devised a way to head off being made the butt of jokes. He trotted back into the forest and called together all the foxes.

"Foxes are much more attractive when they do not have a tail," he said as he wiggled his stump. "Observe how sleek my appearance is. No longer will I have to pull burrs out of my tail. I am free – and you can all be free, too! It is time for all foxes to cut off their tails."

"Nonsense!" an elder fox yelled out. "If you had not lost your own tail, my friend, you would not be urging us to lose ours as well. You must deal with your loss on your own."

The Moral of the story: Do not trust all of the advice given by others.

Many in the program offer helpful support based on their experience. There are also those who give advice. Sometimes this advice is well-meaning and useful; other times it may seem suspect. Listen to the support, guidance, and advice you are given. But never let such information have a negative impact on your recovery.

I will listen to the advice I am given, but will make decisions that are right for me.

You are reading from the book:

Morning Light by Amy E. Dean

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
--Henry David Thoreau

Recently a filmmaker friend approached me with good news. He had just received a grant to do a documentary. "I can't believe it," he said. "I'm finally getting paid for my work. I can't believe how lucky I am to be doing this."

After our conversation, I thought: "This person believes that he is earning a living in spite of doing what he loves; but the reality is just the opposite. It is because he is following his passion that he prospers. As he aligns himself with his higher purpose, the Universe cannot help but make straight, smooth, and perfect his way."

People who say, "Be practical," don't realize that following your heart is the most practical thing one can do. There is no greater way to ensure success than being true to who you are. On the other hand, there is nothing more likely to block that success than turning away from your calling. Living at cross-purposes with your true nature creates struggle and lack of fulfillment at a deep level. It is hard to be someone other than yourself.

The lesson is clear: As impractical as it may sound, the safest and most secure way to lead your life is to follow your dream.

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.
--Fyodor Dostoevsky

The primary requirement for our recovery is honesty. In order to grow in honesty we first needed to see how we had lied to others and to ourselves. This was not as easy as it first appeared. Our lies to ourselves kept us so fully in the dark that we did not know we were lying. We sometimes told "sincere" lies because we honestly did not distinguish the truth within ourselves. For so long we had preferred dishonest rationalizations, and we had come to believe them.

The spiritual life of this program is based upon experience. What we feel, what we see and hear, is what we know. When we simplify our lives and base the truth upon our experiences, we slowly cleanse ourselves of the lies we told ourselves. With this kind of honesty comes an inner peace with ourselves in which we can say, "I know myself."

Today, I will accept my experience as a simple message of truth.

You are reading from the book:
Touchstones by Anonymous

The Fifth Step – Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck    2012 - May by Tim Cheney

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

I am relatively certain that if one was to rent an auditorium, stand at the podium and offer anyone in the audience $500 dollars to stand up an admit their deepest, darkest and most shameful secrets that there would not be a stampede to the podium. What amazes me is the human tendency to cloak our true persona and attempt to project an image of perfection. The need to be accepted and to be perfect in the eyes of others denies our humanity, insults God and ensures a state of perpetual inner desperation as well as human and spiritual isolation. For addicts and alcoholics, (to me the same) the prospect of sharing one’s life story and cataloging the behaviors, thoughts and past actions that we had so desperately tried to conceal is comparable to being asked to walk on a steel i-beam twenty stories above the street. I was deathly afraid of heights. The fourth step was intimidating and anxiety producing and certainly the results of my thorough and fearless moral inventory did not enhance my self-image or sense of worth. Instead, this humbling exercise left me with a foreboding sense of terminal malignancy and isolation. The magnitude of my disease and its devastation of my soul was overwhelming. How could I with what I had done ever become a normal human being? How could I ever be forgiven? I believed I would always be judged and always be viewed and treated as a junkie, an, alcoholic, a human waste product. I had assembled my garbage (and, as directed, noted my positive traits also). I had put the garbage in the containers and hauled it to the curb. The origins of the fifth step, as well as the third, ninth and eleventh steps can be traced to the Oxford Group which was an international Christian movement popular in the twenties and thirties. Both Bill W. and Bob S. were members and the fundamental spiritual guidelines found in the twelve steps were derived from the group’s Four Spiritual Practices. However sharing one’s wrong doings, the act of confession, the Sacrament of Penance has been associated with cleansing and healing of the spirit since 33 BC and is practiced in Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, Judaic and other religions. Why? It works. And for this addict and alcoholic, it helped save my life. As my addictions progressed my behavior and my actions became more desperate, more antisocial and more destructive. This downward spiral is especially true for addicts as to be an addict in society’s eyes is not only to be immoral but also to be a criminal. All street addicts live in a subculture governed by different social nearly norms and values thereby making the conversion to sobriety seemingly impossible and the act of trying, in the beginning, futile. Years ago, I had a sponsee who was an inner city, high volume heroin dealer. I had met him when we were both teenagers and both addicts. Years later, I was running the Substance Abuse program in the New Haven Correctional Center. He had started coming to meetings in jail to get off the block and do business with other inmates housed in different blocks. Over the next several months he came to and became very excited about his recovery. He attended meetings regularly and got active when his sentence was over. He finally landed a job stocking shelves in a supermarket at $8.00 per hour. His meeting attendance decreased and suddenly he was gone. One morning at 6:30, I was awakened by the phone. He was in the hospital, angry, delusional and dope sick. He had a blood infection from injecting in his femoral. When I visited him at lunchtime, he told me that he just couldn’t work for $8.00 an hour. “Mr. C., I just couldn’t do it. I was miserable and I was broke. I never have been broke. I was making in a day on the street what I would‘ve earned in a year at that job. I thought I could just sell and I wouldn’t use.” He had never taken his fourth and fifth step and therefore had never taken a look at who he was which made it impossible for him to cross that bridge and leave his past behind him. Ronnie’s addiction picked up where he had left it and it slowly ravaged his body and soul. He died of AIDS several years later. He died because he couldn’t reconcile who he was or what he had done. He died because he thought he was different. He never understood that he was not alone or different and that others before him had been like him but had found relief, hope and strength in taking their fifth step and had discovered that they were not alone nor were they bad people; they were merely suffering from the disease of addiction. The old adage, heard frequently in twelve step meetings, - “you are only as sick as your secrets” - is an easy way for many to understand why taking the fifth step is critical. Secrets imprison and gradually poison the soul. Our natural reaction is to escape the pain. I was told years ago that if I wanted to stay clean and sober that it was strongly suggested that I do the fourth and fifth step . I had watched people come into the rooms and quickly become ninety day wonders. They would burn through the first three steps and then come to a screeching halt. A predictable progression would follow. They would first stop sharing, then sit in the back, come late and leave early, then start missing meetings, then stop going to meetings and then quite frequently end up in prison or dead. For me, until I completed the fifth step, I was an outsider. I had no skin in the game. Nobody knew me or my real story, only fragments. Once I followed the suggestion, which I emotionally interpreted as a death threat, I felt a sense of relief and realized that although I had gotten off the elevator in the sub-basement there were many others who had also been there. I was not unique; I was not alone. I had no more alibis only choices. I was suddenly a member of the human race. For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged and knew that I had a shot if I continued to go to meetings and follow the suggestions. Today in retrospect, I look back over the almost 31 years of meetings I’ve attended and understand that I could never have stayed sober and most likely would not be alive if I had not followed and stayed the course. Today I understand that sharing who I am keeps me sober and alive. Today I understand that I have a chronic brain disease and that my behavior when I was active was a product of my disease. Today I know that I was not a bad person but a person afflicted by the disease of addiction who out of necessity developed numerous maladaptive coping mechanisms and behaviors to protect and feed my addiction. Today I know that I am not only accountable but also responsible for my actions and behavior and that my life and my sobriety is a direct result of my choices. Today I know that God doesn’t make junk. Knowing this, I understand that when the garbage truck comes to collect my trash, I need not chase the truck and take it back. It is best to leave it on the truck for it is not me it is taking but merely my garbage.

About the Author Tim C. has been in long-term recovery for over 30 years. He is the co-founder and managing partner of Chooper’s Guide, a web-based treatment and information resource for addiction and owns and operates an apple orchard in Maine. He is active in the recovery movement in Florida and nationally and has been active for 28 years as a volunteer and advocate for substance abuse and child abuse.

A man takes a drink, the drink takes another, and the drink takes the man.
-- Proverb

Newcomer

I've heard Alcoholics Anonymous members say, "It's the first drink that gets you drunk," and Overeaters Anonymous members say, "Don't take that first compulsive bite." It seems a little extreme. Don't Twelve Step programs allow for the possibility of doing things in moderation?

Sponsor

There are numerous stories of addicted people who started with the idea that they'd have "just one" of whatever it was. Hours, days, or weeks later, they were still in the middle of a binge. Most of us, when we were active in our addictions, promised ourselves repeatedly that we'd be moderate, though we'd already accumulated plenty of evidence that we lacked the desire and the capacity for moderation. Once we started using, no matter how seemingly insignificant the beginning, we were under the control of our addiction. We experienced a craving that no quantity of a drug or repetition of an addictive behavior could satisfy.

There are people who can do in moderation what people filling the seats at meetings couldn't stop doing, once they started. But we are not those people.

Today, I'm strengthened by accepting my need to take special measures to protect my health and recovery.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

I hope I shall follow firmness of virtue enough to maintain that I consider the most enviable of all titles - the character of an honest man.
--George Washington

Happiness in recovery and in society depends on our honesty. We create pain for others, and ourselves, when we are dishonest. True honesty begins within each of us and flows out to touch those around us. If we are to be true to society, and to ourselves, we cannot feel one thing in our hearts and outwardly speak different views.

There is no such thing as too much honesty. When we practice honesty in all our affairs, we discover that the reason for being honest is not because it is expected of us, but because we find that honesty avoids problems and makes our life happier.

When I am honest with myself and others, I am making progress toward greatness of character.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous